I'm just a kid
by White.Black.Truth.Lies
Summary: Song fic to the song; 'I'm just a kid' No matter what any one says Alex Rider is just a kid and every kid has a breaking point. Dedicated to eaglestriker. A note!-The program used to type this fic made every paragraph meld into one, this has been fixed


**AN: Hi, this was requested forever ago! Sorry it took so long eaglestriker! I apologise so much, I blame, work, exams and school... and my own laziness and writers block. I am So sorry, But I finished it and it is here! I hope you like it!**

**Dedicated to eaglestriker ****Disclaimer: I don't own, I'm sure many people would hate me if I did and I don't want to be hated**

**"I'm Just A Kid"**

_'I woke up it was 7_

_I waited till 11 Just to figure out that no one would call_

_ I think I got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them _

_What's another night all alone? _

_When your spending everyday on your own _

_And here it goes'_

Alex Rider woke up to the annoying chattering of birds. Groaning he turned over and buried his head deeper into his blanket. The birds seemed to take this as a personal challenge and the chirping got louder. Alex mumbled a curse and pulled his head from its comfortable spot. He glared blindly out his window and sighed. It was his own fault, he had been so tired last night he had not bothered to close his blinds before crashing onto his bed and falling asleep immediately. Sitting up he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, stretching his arms above his head and leaning against his headboard. He didn't feel like getting up. Maybe he would sit here for a couple more hours, he wasn't fool enough to think he'd be able to get back to sleep, but a little while longer of no movement couldn't hurt.

Maybe Tom would call today and they could catch up. Alex sat for a couple of hours before it dawned on him that no one would call. Tom had moved, gone to live with his brother Jerry. He had left and with him the last friend Alex had had disappeared. Unexpectedly Alex felt tears well up in his eyes and a large lump forced its way into his throat. He was all alone, without Jack he would have no one. It was so unfair.

_'I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare _

_I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair _

_Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is _

_Having more fun than me Tonight...' _

He was fourteen bloody years old. It wasn't right! He shouldn't be sitting in bed waiting for a friend who wasn't there to call! He should be up and outside, laughing and playing, mucking around with people who liked him. Who cared about him. Alex got to his feet, the floorboards were cold and he shivered as he walked over to his closet and started searching for warm clothes. He had to talk to MI6. He had to explain to them, tell them that he couldn't do their dirty work any more, that they had to find someone else. It wasn't fair, he was just a kid.

He found a pair of jeans and a hoodie and pulled them on. Walking out of his room he made his way down the stairs and out the door. The sun was shining palely, weak and cold through a mass of white clouds. People were out and about, mowing lawns, collecting letters from their letterboxes, some were wearing neatly pressed work clothes and were getting into their cars, keys rattling and voices loud as they called out hello to each other. A group of kids cycled down the road, racing each other and urging each other on.

It was only a twenty minute walk to the Royal and General. Alex hesitated when he made it to the door, he glanced up and stared at the roof that the sniper that had shot him had sat. He turned his back to it and pushed open the glass door that led into the deceivingly innocent foyer.

He walked up to the last receptionist and said his name, asking to see Mr. Blunt. The receptionist, a young man who was probably a new agent looked surprised before insisting that there was no Mr. Blunt that worked at the Royal and General. But Alex didn't care, he stepped back from the desk and waited. Sure enough the elevator on the other side of the room dinged and the doors opened revealing a short, black haired woman in a light blue skirt suit. She walked up to him. Alex glared at her. Mrs. Jones turned to the receptionist and smiled. "It's alright Jeffrey I'll handle this." Jeffrey looked shocked, he nodded hastily and looked down at the computer that glowed brightly in front of him, obviously confused.

Alex waited as Mrs. Jones stared at him before finally turning on her heel and walking towards the elevator. It was a silent trip up to Blunts office. Alex sat down in the chair that was offered to him and tried to compose his thoughts. Who did he think he was kidding? They didn't care about him, they wouldn't think it mattered if he didn't want to work for them any more, they never had. Why would they start listening to him now?

"Alex," Mr. Blunt started finally, "what are you doing here? We have not called for you." Alex glared, that made him sound like an animal, a dog that leapt to his masters call. His indignation spurred him on.

"I've come to tell you I'm done. I don't want to help you any more, I've never wanted to help you. It's not fair what you're doing to me."

Mr. Blunt frowned, "Alex, really, you know we can't do that, you are much to important for us to even consider it. I'm afraid we will have to deny your request."

"It wasn't a request." Alex growled. "I'm not asking, I'm telling, you can't do this any more!"

"Sorry Alex but I'm afraid I must ask you to leave. Mrs. Jones, can you please escort him out? Thank you." And Blunt looked back down at the pile of papers he had been signing when Alex had been brought in.

Alex sat motionless, mouth hanging open. Mrs. Jones waited for him to get to his feet before guiding him carefully out the door. "I'm not going to help you any more Blunt, I won't."

_'And maybe when the night is dead, _

_I'll crawl into my bed _

_Staring at these 4 walls again _

_I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time _

_Everyone's got somewhere to go _

_And they're gonna leave me here on my own _

_and here it goes'_

Alex didn't go home straight away once he had been escorted out of the Royal and General building. He wandered around until he ended up at a park only five minutes from his house. He sat down on one of the swings and stared glumly out at the street.

He was angry. He felt like he was tearing in two. Granted he hadn't thought Blunt would be nice, but, downright cruel, he hadn't even allowed that thought to enter his mind.

Alex settled back into the swing and tilted his head back, letting himself slip backwards a little. The sky was greying, darkening into tense thundercloud that ate up the suns' last rays. A clap of lightening signalled the time for him to get up and go home but he didn't move. He just sat as the first raindrops landed on his face and wet the tanbark, making the air around him thick with the smell of clean, fresh beginnings. The swing next to him began to creak as a cold gust of wind pushed it into life and Alex sighed. His clothes already soaked he got to his feet and started the numb walk home.

Jack looked horrified when he walked in the door, by the anxious way she shook him, asking him where he had been Alex knew she had been fretting but he couldn't seem to make himself care. He walked away from her, up the stairs to his room.

He didn't change, or have a shower before climbing onto his bed and sitting in the middle of his sheets. His bedroom walls seemed to close in on him and he fought to breathe. A strange lump forced its way into his throat and he gasped, eyes filling with tears as his shoulders started shaking. The room started spinning and he tried to focus on happy memories but he couldn't find any. He searched his head, looking for something that would make him feel better but all he could find was blood and death and secrets. Everybody had left him. Everyone he cared about, his parents, his uncle, Tom... he was all alone, all alone...

_'I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare _

_I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair _

_Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is _

_Having more fun than me'_

Alex walked into school the next day two hours late. After his break down the night before he had had difficulty finding a reason to get out of bed. Jack had given him the answer when she dumped a glass of water on him and glared until he shifted himself from his mattress.

He muttered his apologies to his History teacher who rolled his eyes and gestured for him to go and sit down. He walked to the back of the room, heading for the only chair that had been left empty. Sitting down he opened his book and stared down at the blank white page.

The teacher continued on with his lesson, ignoring him as he slumped in his seat and zoned out. Ten minutes later the teacher called finished speaking and ordered everyone into groups of four. Alex watched quietly as everyone grabbed their friends and started talking and laughing. At the end Alex sighed. He was the odd one out. The teacher blinked and pointed to a group of boys who all immediately stopped talking as Alex took the hint and moved his things to the table they sat at. As he placed his stuff down they all turned their backs on him. One of them, a boy with brown hair that hung low around his ears, whispered into the ear of the boy next to him. They burst into hysterical laughter and Alex didn't miss the eyes that all looked over at him in amusement. He looked down at his books and glared. Stupid, stupid stupid. This was all so wrong!

_'What the fuck is wrong with me? _

_Don't fit in with anybody _

_How did this happen to me? _

_Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep _

_And every night is the worst night ever'_

An hour later Alex walked through the hallway to the cafeteria, he was late for lunch because someone had broken into his locker again and thrown all his things onto the ground. He had managed to pick most of it up but as kids walked past him they kicked some of his things away, passing it to each other and breaking some of it. H

e opened the doors to the cafeteria and sighed. Everyone was sitting down, tables divided into groups; kids talking to their friends. Everyone of them looked happy and carefree. Alex walked across the room, staring at each table and wondering if he could get away with sitting down at one of the occupied tables without being glared away.

As everyone stopped talking, noticing his presence, they started staring. He decided not to chance it. He made his way to a corner and sat down in one of the few vacant tables. Pulling his bag up in front of him on the table he pulled out a sandwich and didn't look up. He felt people staring for a few moments more before they became bored and went back to talking. He wished he fit in somewhere, he wished Tom was here. Wished so much for things that wouldn't happen.

*

The alarm clock flashed two am and Alex sighed, shifting onto his back. He couldn't get to sleep again. He tried reading, listening to music, writing, watching a movie. He wasn't tired. His eyes just wouldn't shut and let him fall into oblivion.

He flopped over onto his stomach. He was bored. His mind was running at a million miles an hour but it seemed to have left him behind. He felt blank. Not there. It wasn't right. Why did this happen every single night? Why did it feel like his mind was trying to punish itself? Why did he have to live in agony?

_'I'm just a kid [repeat x5] _

_I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare_

_I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair _

_Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is _

_Nobody wants to be alone in the world. _

_I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare _

_I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair _

_Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is _

_Nobody wants to be alone in the world _

_Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is _

_Having more fun than me tonight'_

_**(Okay, I know you'll hate me for interrupting this, sorry, I just thought I would explain Jack now then later once you're all mad for OOCness. I realise this next part is OOC, sorry, it just fit with the story and flow of this oneshot. Sorry again)**_

Alex sat up. It was three am. He couldn't do this any more. He just, couldn't. He shifted and put his feet to the floor. A noise outside his bedroom door made him still for a moment. Jack? Footsteps moving across floorboards. Alex shook his head. Getting to his feet he walked towards his door and opened it softly. A flash of red and Alex sighed. Jack was probably just getting a drink of water.

He slipped outside his room, closing the door quietly and following the shadow of his guardian. He made it to the top step of the set of stairs that led to the lower lever of the two story house just in time to see Jack place a small white envelope on a table that held a lamp in the middle of the hallway, she turned away from it, hesitated for a moment and walked away. He started as he noticed the clothes she was wearing, they weren't pyjamas. Was Jack going somewhere? Then his eyes flickered towards the floor and he saw the suitcase.

His breath hitched in his throat and his eyes widened. _NO!_ He took a step forward. The stair creaked. Jack started and turned around. Her own eyes widened as she noticed him, standing there. "Alex..." She looked so sad, so hopeless. He took another step.

"Jack?" _She can't! She can't! NO! _She paced backwards a couple of steps.

"Alex. Alex, I'm sorry, I, I can't." Tears shined in her eyes as she turned around. Snatching her suitcase from the floor she hurried forwards. "I'm sorry, I can't do this any more, I'm, I'm so sorry..." She turned around when she reached the door, staring at him one last time before spinning and opening the door, running from the house and slamming the door. An apology cut off as wood made contact with wood.

_NO! _

Alex sank down, staring at the door as he choked and the tears started to flow. _No, JACK! _He was alone. All alone. Nobody cared about him any more. Nobody. He was all alone, all alone.

_'I'm all alone tonight _

_Nobody cares tonight _

_Cause I'm just a kid tonight'_

Alex Rider sat on the stairs in his house. His crumpled form leaning forward as he stared at the front door. Tear tracks ran down his cheeks but no water flowed from his eyes. Dry, heaving breaths rasped from his throat as he rocked back and forth. Nobody cared. It was all over. He was all alone and nobody cared. It wasn't fair, he was only a kid. Only a kid. Only a kid. Only a kid. ONLY A KID! IT WASN'T FAIR DAMN IT!

He was only a kid.

**This took, forever. And I'm still not satisfied. (sigh) even so, I hope you liked it. Reviews make me happy!**


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